I don't know why so suddenly I felt like He wanted me to write about this, last night I couldn't sleep well, in the midnight I finally woke up and He led me to kneel down, pray and worship.
But... Much more before that, I already wrote and posted something from what I got on my night prayer yesterday, so I posted it on my instagram, well here it is:
Related to this, firstly I wanna share something that are going through my life on the time being, how God's turning all the pains into blessings, how He let me see that His GRACE will never ends....
These past few days has been really really tough. I had my injections for my immune system. People asked about why did I do this? :)) way too much to be explained, but God let me to have one disease that maybe couldn't be healed in a short time. Since this disease came up when I was about 10 years old, I've always praying and asking Him to heal me but He didn't remove it yet perfectly. I've always felt sick everyday, I used to go to so many doctors and medications, but everything went useless.
Then, I tried to live more healthy. Since June 2013, He changed my life.
I renewed my life style. Since then and until now, I go to gym, I run. I start to care a little more about eating healthy foods. And since that, I haven't got the sick again, I could enjoy myself, I'm living my life happily. And this disease almost never comes up again to scare me, so I thought I did it. Healthy lifestyle could healed. From all of this, I've seen that He healed me through long process which I couldn't explain, because every thing goes better, and I know that He isn't finished yet. But since I had this injections, I realized that this disease was still here, stays inside my body. But it just didn't show up. So I still need medication for this.
I've known about Paul, I've read it from 2 Corinthians 12, that Paul also had a disease, He has asked God to remove it from his soul for three times but God refused. God said, "My POWER and GRACE go perfectly through your sickness," LOL I've even asked Him more than 3 times! I asked Him everyday, so I thought it will be the same like what Paul had experienced.
And on this time being, as I said before, these injections are REALLY KILLING me! every time I finished my injections, I always get sick, I get temperature, painful headache, painful joints everywhere, I can't go to campus and I just stay at home, I just can eat and sleep. My doctor told me that this will always be the side effects of my injections, because the medication goes through my body's temperature so it will increase my body's temperature. But when it is done, I will be more healthier. So every time I get these injections, I'm always longing for this healthier thing to happen as soon as possible :(
NAH.... last night I think I had enough of all these pain, I'm still going to have my injections tonight, but God finally showed me....yes, it is grace all the way, always have and always will.
I believe that I will always see Him more and most in my weakest.
So last midnight I woke up with a very dehydrated soul, I've already felt it since the evening, I felt like He told me that He wanted me to stay up during the midnight. But I refused to listen, so I just tried to sleep but I couldn't!
When I woke up, I decided to start worship and pray. Then just in a minute I started to cry. Tears came up from my eyes. I didn't know why, but I felt really really comfort so I continued to cry. He didn't say anything yet. He let me to took my rest on Him, and I had it.
I kneel down and I shouted out loud, how all of these really scare my life. I tried my best to keep trusting. Even every thing scares me, even every injection hurts me bad, I don't dare to give up trusting. I keep suck these things up because all I know is if I give up then it will scares me more and more.
And finally, I heard Him.... He told me this that made me cried more and more!
"you'll never know how much your faith has pleased Me... don't give up, dear"
Yes. don't give up. Keep trusting. Do what you have to do, even if it scares you, even if it hurts you, even if you don't want to. If God said, "Go." then you have to go. You'll never know what tomorrow brings, but everything will be a grace. God will turn all of our pains into blessings if we let them. We are all made from grace, by grace, and for grace. It is grace all the way. I'd never thought that I could survive until now, if not by His grace, what else?
I pray that this posting will bless you, I pray that all of this could be a blessing for you, whoever you are who's reading it now... do not give up on everything :) Pray harder, trust harder. Tough times = trust times. Just give up yourself on His grace.