Girls are like apples

I'm an apple in His eye, the precious one!

He won't let me fall and be reached easily by the wrong boys, then He said i should wait.

i'm worth to be waited

worth to be fought

and worth to be loved, by a true and right man.

#ladyinwaiting

someday. somewhere. somehow. someone. 

p.s : this note belong to every girl who's willing to commit, 
to wait,
 and to hide safely in their God :)

Beauty Fades

"If we fall in love because someone is beautiful, what happens when that beauty fades?"

Beauty soon fades. That's why loving a girl for their appearance won't be existed for a long time, soon it'll fade away. And it's not love.

Love a girl not by her appearance. love her kindly by her heart, which is so hidden in God.

8 Principles for Dating

Taken from: http://theresurgence.com/2012/03/19/for-the-gals-8-principles-for-dating

I recently came across a 20-year-old photo of Phil and me when we were dating. I started thinking about how very little I knew about relationships, men, and marriage then.

Formulating a list of what I would tell myself back then, my advice began with a stern warning to stay away from any man with a mullet . . . but then again, it was the ’90s—every man had a mullet!
On a more serious note, these are eight principles that would have taken much confusion and heartbreak out of those tumultuous dating years. I hope they help you:

1. Repeat after me: “You are loved.” 

I am not kidding. Repeat. After. Me. Out loud, often, with conviction. These are such simple words to say, but they have the most deep and resounding impact on our souls if we would just believe.
God says to his daughters in Jeremiah: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you." Until you have tasted God’s eternal, steadfast, redeeming love, hold off on looking for a man. You may just end up settling for a quick love that cannot fill your core heart’s longing. Even if you are not currently being pursued by a man, you are constantly being pursued by Jesus.

2. You are less beautiful than you think and more beautiful than you believe.

Our sin makes us ugly. No amount of makeup, clothing, or confident, flirtatious façade can change that fact. It takes a humble, redeemed woman changed by God to admit the ugliness of her sin and rest in her beauty in Christ. We must repent of our pride, our shame, our obsession with our looks. We must believe and embrace who God made us to be: beautiful in his image.

True beauty emanates from a woman who boldly and unabashedly knows who she is in Christ.

3. Consider what controls you.

Is it fear, loneliness, demand for a man, seeking approval, career, money?
Let the love of Christ control you. Pay attention to what is controlling your heart as you wait for a date, are in a dating relationship, or even into marriage. We settle for lesser gods than the one who died for us and love us unconditionally.

“For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who might live no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” 2 Corinthians 5:14–15

4. Address your daddy issues.

Most of us have them—wounds on our hearts from our earthly fathers and their shortcomings. Whether yours was absent and uninvolved or abusive and abandoning, don’t let him define who you believe your heavenly Father to be. Even if you have a godly and protective father, he is not God.
You are not looking for a dad-duplicate or a dad-replacement in a man. You have a perfect heavenly Father.

Let Scripture reveal to you who God is as Dad and what kind of care he gives his daughters.

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" Luke 11:13

5. Charm and beauty are not a good dating plan.

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

Often, our grand scheme for how to snag a date goes only skin-deep. We put massive pressure on ourselves to pour on the charm and look cute wherever we go, not realizing that a godly man will also be concerned about inner beauty. God certainly is.

"But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:4

A woman who fears the Lord is one who, despite her desire for a date, fears being far away from God more than she does missing out on a man who is easily fooled by her exterior.

6. Realize you are already submitting—or are you?

Submission is not only for wives. God asks for a submitted heart now, one that trusts in his provision and plan for your life, including dating. Ultimately, dating, and all of life, is about submission—waiting and trusting God and saying as Jesus does, “Not my will but yours be done.”
This does not, however, leave you helpless, hopeless, and hamstrung in the relationship department. A godly woman can express friendly interest in a brother in Christ.

• It is OK to mingle—but don’t manipulate.
• Peruse—but don’t pursue. Let him initiate.
• Take notice of the godly men serving Jesus around you—but never stalk. It’s creepy.
• Cross paths with a man who interests you—but don’t tackle him.

7. Dress to kill . . .

. . . your evil desires and his. We all know what it’s like to be noticed for what we wear. Your desire to draw attention to yourself is vanity. Do not falsely advertise what is not available to anyone but your future husband. Don’t open the door for men to make assumptions about you by what you wear. Help your brothers in Christ by dressing modestly and appropriately (and by all means, neatly, cleanly, and fashionably!) Check your heart for your motives when you dress.

8. Guard your heart.

Guarding one’s heart is still an issue even if no one is overtly vying for it.  Watch out for the “might be” snare, as in, "He 'might be' flirting with me and so I’m going to get carried away thinking about every possible place [read: marriage] that could lead."
It is entirely possible to honor God, yourself, and a brother in Christ on a date. Don’t elevate him or the relationship to the place that God alone should hold in your heart. Enjoy, don’t idolize . . . and for goodness sake, relax! A cup of coffee does not necessarily mean a diamond ring is soon to follow.

As a single woman, give your heart fully, wholly, unabashedly, and devotedly to Christ alone.

Be active, vigilant, and careful about how much of your heart you give to a man. Be able to walk away from a dating relationship with your whole heart intact so that your future husband is not robbed of part of it down the road. Prayerfully consider what, when, how much to give away.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

HINENI

Just for short, hari-hari ini Dia totally bawa gua dalam masa-masa pelepasan segala HAK secara keras dan paksa. Well then, seringkali kebiasaan kita ikut Tuhan cuma mau enaknya aja... dan emang ngga bisa dipungkiri, sadar ngga sadar itu terjadi. i mean, ikut Dia keenakan cuma dalam konteks "Bapa-anak"... seorang Bapa yang begitu manjain anaknya, yang apa aja dikasih, diberkati, dipenuhi kasih karunia dan kebaikan.. yeah itu bener adanya. tapi kebiasaan kaya gini bikin kita nyaman dan lupa, kalo ngga selamanya Tuhan mendidik kita secara "Bapak-anak"...

Makanya waktu badai kehidupan, tekanan dateng, kita merasa seperti tenggelam. drowning, dying inside... lalu ngga sedikit yang dissapointed, then left so easily.

Pernah tau didikan secara "Tuan-hamba"? dimana posisi Dia sebagai Tuan dan kita cuma hamba yang ngga bisa apa-apa, ngga punya apa-apa.. dimana Dia bawa kita di titik terendah hidup kita, titik terparah, titik tersakit, dan kita udah seakan ngga punya apa-apa lagi untuk dipertahankan sebagai keberhargaan kita. He takes everything. Atau mungkin, Dia kasih segudang masalah, or even kepercayaan yang terlalu besar yang uncontrolled, dan Dia 'terlihat' tidak melakukan apa-apa, altough kita udah nangis mewek-mewek jejeritan minta KEADAAN BERUBAH dan ngga seperti ini lagi. kita minta Dia keluarin kita dari situasi-situasi seperti ini, an uncomfort zone yang buat kita ngga betah. tapi Dia seperti ngga denger dan ngga keluarin kita sama sekali.....?

tau apa yg lagi terjadi waktu kita ngalemin itu? telah terjadi KEBENTROKAN. dimana KehendakNya bentrok sama kehendak kita. dan itu yang ngebuat kita ngga bisa bertahan. terlalu nyaman dan sombong, sampe ngga mau keluar, out of the box. maunya yang enak-enak aja. kita terlalu egois dan manja. terlalu bocah sampe-sampe apa-apa ngeluh protes ke Dia. terlalu childish sampe segampang itu untuk akhirnya lebih memilih melepaskan diriNya... dan tanpa sadar, tenggelam semakin dalam... 

Are you UNDER PRESSURES? Drowning and dying inside? Just REFUSE TO SINK.

HINENI.
Bahasa klasik Ibrani yang dipakai budak-budak ketika dipanggil tuan nya, yang berarti "Ini aku, Tuan,"

Cuma itu yang Dia mau ajar. prinsip KEHAMBAAN yang sejati yang terjadi dan hanya akan terlihat di badai kehidupan kita, di segala kelemahan kita. gua mengalami begitu banyak. semua kenyamanan gua ikut Dia, blessings yang Dia kasih, everything, tiba-tiba Dia ambil satu per satu... dan di sisi lain, Dia kasih banyak kepercayaan yang terlalu besar di saat gua kehilangan semua kekuatan dan kenyamanan gua. Totally, a powerlessness. Lalu gua ngambek dan ngeluh, protes, dan LUPA kalo gua cuma HAMBA. Hamba yang ngga berguna kalo ngga di-didik sama Sang Tuan. Hamba yang ngga punya HAK apapun. termasuk untuk mengeluh, untuk protes, untuk ngga bersyukur. and even, seorang HAMBA, yang ngga punya apa-apa. 

Padahal, dalam ketidakberdayaan kita sebagai hamba, disitulah Sang Kasih Karunia bekerja mengekspresikan SEGALANYA, GRACE will express the spring of life in our under-prresures moments.... (of course ini dalam ke-hineni-an kita^^) -My GRACE is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in WEAKNESS," 2 Cor 12:9

"Then i heard  the voice of the LORD saying: "Whom shall i send? Who will go for Me?"

so, i said,

"Here i am, send me!"

-isaiah 6:8

Apapun yang Dia ijinin terjadi, apapun yang Dia kasih n' percayain ke kita, tough it feels sucks and hurts, inget... balik lagi, semua dari, oleh, dan untuk Dia. it's all about WILLINGNESS and it takes a DEVOTION. Kerelaan, pengabdian, buat diutus sama Dia, jadi seperti apapun, kemanapun, gimana pun.. Karena Kerendahan Hati mendahului Kemuliaan .

and the last, He gives, He sends, He even takes away... and do we have a say? do we have a right? Stop complaining, stop judging, stop blaming. Think again, kneel down, and pray for a servant's heart :) 

Evelyn adalah hamba. Evelyn hanya melakukan apa yang harus Evelyn lakukan.
So, here i am, God. With all i am.
<3

THE REST

As time goes by.. there's so many times, so many troubles and pains that just make me OVER FEAR. too much fear, uncontrolled fear. i'm terribly desperate by my own fear. fyi, this is my weakness. my golliat: frightened, terrified.

i'm fear of my future. i'm fear of all this sickness. i'm fear to walk in God's plan. i'm too fear if all i want isn't the same like what God wants in my life. and He showed that. my way isn't His way. everything i want, it's not what He wants. i'm trying to walk in my own way but i failed so many times then He just leads me away from my way. i was like asdfghjkl...

i was cried everynight, overthinking, i hate the night when my past suddenly calls. i often awakened in the midnight, awakened of a nightmare then i got up with being fearful so i just cried and cried out loud. i became soo much afraid since God sent me a big waves that i couldn't controlled. i once was brave enough to walk on this waving-water. and i won it. but now, He just took up my winning into a failure. i keep trying to believe Him and know what? He's keep trying to failed me. and i just felt that He is no where.

i feel like that i wanna give up. i feel tired, this wave dies my bones. i lost my joyful. i forgot how to be thankful, i was like Job in the bible.

and i didn't realized that this fear kills my faith. i'm too comfortable in this fear-zone. i'm afraid to walk out and see the big waves in front of me. so i used all this fear as a stockade for my fortress. do you?

well, i experienced all of those.
but NOW, this is what i'm talking about;

How to livin' the Faith, in your hardest part? how to being fearless? for me, faith, and hope is a restful place. so when the world seems broke me down, then i kneel and take my rest. stop the war, the journey, for a while. and get some rest. This is what He just taught to me, He speaks to me most in the hardest part :')

1. Dear FAITH, Speak Up! Realized that YOUR FAITH MUST SPEAK UP. not your fear, not your problems. make this faith alive, over and over again! GOD IS NOW HERE! The bible never once says "FIGURE IT OUT" but over and over it says "TRUST GOD" He's already got it all figured out :)

Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

   My grace is enough; it's all you need.
   My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. -2 Cor 12:7-10

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. Get away with Me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Come to me, all you who are weary & burdened, & I will give you rest. -Matt 11:28

2. Take a REST in God when u're tired. do not do anything u can't control.

You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you & take your rest in safety. -Job 11:18

"In returning to Me and resting in Me you shall be saved"

"In repentance and rest you'll be saved, in quietness and trust is your strength, but unfortunately, you were not willing!" -Isaiah 30:15"

" And stop your silly efforts to save yourselves. Your strength will come from SETTLING DOWN, in complete DEPENDENCE on Me," -The MSG

3. Just like what Job did, stop complaining, stop blaming God. Well, i'm crying a lot for learning this :D But even Job did not blamed God for once. Keep trusting. i had it all, i once saw God as the one who makes me trust in Him but i once saw Him as the one who makes me fall even harder. but this is a super wrong mind-setting.

Stop asking why and start asking how. Not "Why this must be happen?" but "How it can bring GLORY to You?"

4. Know that He gives but He takes away, just praise the Lord for all is belong to Him. your pride, your appearance, your heart, your everything. it's not yours. it's God's. we're just a servants :)

5. When u get up every morning, make an ALTAR of HAND OVER.. let go all your problems, all your fear, all your uncontrolled mind, your feelings, and all your life to Him. Then we have no more rights to get it back in 24/7^^ do this in the morning and even before u sleep. well i did it and it sucha help^^

6. Keep thankful, be grateful and be joyful. make the devil tired of hurting you coz u never give up and u keep thankful & believing :D

7. Learn to Praise Him in your heart-shattered! Just like what David did;

"I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered," -psalm 51 (THE MSG) 

 "Tune me into foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing,"

Remember, God is too good, 'till He doesn't know how to give us a bad things. Everything is GOOD, all is well and He doesn't give us a FEAR, He gives us a STRENGTH in Him. Don't only trust Him in our happy parts. keep trusting Him in our hardest part. i'm learning too :') There must be a GLORY behind this. 

and this, some reference from  http://rebekahknight.blogspot.com/ --> this blog such blessed me up:)

God has the map.

OK God,

I think I am ready.

I have kicked, and cried,

and tried,

to understand

Why.

The truth is,

I dont understand,

but I trust 

YOU.

I know that 

YOU

have never let me down,

even when events and chapters have unfolded,

pages have come,

and gone,

embraced and un-embraced.

You

carry me.

YOU 

guide me.

I feel you pull my heart away,

to a new day,

another way,

a new path,

unmarked,

not walked.

I can not see ahead,

I have only your voice to guide me.

I can't lag behind,

or I might lose sight of 

YOU.

The darkness and uncertainty blind me,

But YOU are my light.

I know that 

I have kicked, and cried,

and tried,

to understand

Why.

But I think now,

I am ready,

to follow,

to not look at things I leave behind,

But to took to

YOU.

To hold your hand,

to trust YOUR plan,

to leave the question marks,

in the sand.

YOU

hold my tears,

YOU

are aware of my fears,

but

YOUR perfect love,

will bind them and wipe my tears away.

Joy will be found in the light of a

new day.

I step toward

YOUR way,

The path, I sense you are calling me on.

Clothed in simple,

rustic

FAITH.

I come.

God speaks to me in varying ways.

 Recently, He has spoken to my heart through the concepts of gardening. 

We are like Gods plants, we need:

Planting,

Watering,

Feeding,

Pruning.

 We need to be planted in good soil.. 

The gardener may need to 

reposition us,

to get us in a better spot for growth.

I spoke a bit about this in my last post.

This week, 

God was reminding me about seasons.

How in one season,

 A plant bulb can lay dormant, under the surface of the soil, and seem to disappear.

If we have seen it grow up in the summer or spring before,

We have faith it will do the same once more.

However, we can't see it.

But we believe it will return.

Likewise, I find myself thinking about seasons where I have flourished and thrived,

But now, I may be in the winter season.

All evidence of my buds are gone.

My days of blossoming are a distant memory.

However,

I hear the gentle voice of the great gardener in my ear.

"You will rise again.

You will bloom again.

You will feel alive again."

 I'M ON MY REST WHILE HE'S PREPARING ME FOR THE NEXT JOURNEY AND WAR, DO YOU? :)

Innerbeauty Means Everything

 "Here i am, Dad... just form my innerbeauty; through all these pains..."

Well.. This is kinda crazy that i really posted this new entry at 4 a.m in the morning! hahaha \m/ it's just me that can't stand for not writing this, what God already said to me this morning. 

This year was freakin' crazy n hard for me. or even gettin worse than the last year. i experienced so many HURTS and PAINS, thought that last year will be the end of my sorrow :''( but it didn't. i was terribly struggle. i've got a lot of sickness during this year, a lot of broken heart, and i'm fallin to pieces everyday, more and more hurts everyday. dunno why this happen to me, flowing and falling like a giant waterfall. lot of times i pray to God, i'm still trying to stand still, to survive before Him. i failed, i rise, failed again then rise again. sometimes it drops me tired, sometimes it drops me freakin' tired till i wanna die soon, and lot of times THIS IS JUST MAKE ME SO MUCH OVERTHINKING AND BEING 'COMFORTABLE' IN THIS ZONE. yeah, this broken-heart-zone.

i'm overthinking cause my sickness. there's so much FEAR. overthinking cause i'm trying to diet (really i'm not fat but the world just try to set my mind to be like that). stressed, till' my acne comes up! i cried a lot, and the tears keep falling. i blamed myself, i felt wrong, i felt stupid, unworthy, and i felt so much guilty. i'm broken, sucha uneccesary broken heart cause of the wrong man. i'm tired of everything, then i fake a smile. i'm tired of being unperfect while the world asks for a PERFECTION. The world asks for an outer beauty, and i can't stand it anymore. i lost in my outer, then lost in my inner. I'M TOTALLY LOST.

can not lie to the world, even to God, that i'm officially just a broken thing this year. My heart turned into pieces. i'm searchin' a perfection, and i didn't made it. it just made me more broken and broken. running for so much expectations to this world, and i didn't got it. this mind just set me to find myself in this world, NOT in God. and thank God finally i realized. He caught me. TODAY. 

this is the answers. why God never puts us into a perfection. why God never let us to find a man too early. why God seems like never takes our weakness. i do pray for my sickness, just like Paul. and i know God hears. but He just stays, letting me feel stupid like a dumb ox.

i was beleagvered and bitter, totally consumed by envy, totally looked for a perfection, i was totally ignorant, a dumb ox in Your very presence. i was like a fool, like a fool. but i'm still in Your presence, You've taken my hand, You wisely and tenderly lead me, then You bless me. -Psalm 73

i forgot that i am a woman of God. not the woman of the world. a Godly woman.

To all women that already tired of trying to be what the world asks to you. listen. i'm tired too. and the good news is, INNERBEAUTY means EVERYTHING to God, more than the outer, more than a prefection and a world asks (so-much-more). God loves you but He insanely loves you for your heart, more than your physical body. Remember, He formed your heart. God loves your innerbeauty, wherever it was broken to pieces now. Just stay up and let Him to heal in times. And see, what the world asks is just a bullshit :) screw that up!

When people see me, i pray that they'll just see my heart and see a beautiful God behind me. and this is what we called INNERBEAUTY, when God stays in a women's heart. 

God is beautiful,

In EVERYTHING He did, 

even in a BROKEN HEART,

though i'm fallin to pieces, 

but i'm freakin' pretty and precious in His eyes.

a precious one. 

God is beautiful in my & your imperfection, 

in our weakness and sickness, if we let Him to reflect it through us. This-is-the-real-INNERBEAUTY.

Yeah, He wants to form our innerbeauty through a PROCESS, and it'll take a PAINS&HURTS. Why? cause He interests with our heart, not our problems; overly. Therefore i don't need an answers/escape for all my pains. can't do anything but kneel down; just ask God to form my innerbeauty through it. (read again my first sentence in this entry)

"you're beautiful, dear. I know, because I'm the one who made you," -Jesus
Today i knew, 
"He's forming my heart through the heartache. He's forming my heart through the sickness. He's forming my INNERBEAUTY through pains and hurts, He's making my INNERPRINCESS"

have faith for it and you'll see, God really takes a broken thing, a mess, and turns it to beautiful :) 

You're a fool when you careless 'bout your innerbeauty and keep running for a fading outerbeauty or your problems.

So today. Make-up your innerbeauty instead; an inner-princess. stop searching to find urself in this stupid world. Stop running your problems and pains. Those just ruining your innerheart. Find yourself in God. You're a Godly woman. not a worldy woman. the world is an unending drama that will just make u tired, cz it's not the place where you born. you was born in His heart, so please, make your spot place in His heart too :'') and so do I. We're a beautiful woman in God, and INNERPRINCESS owns His heart <3

always loved this quote. be a better woman, a beautiful woman in God, which her innerbeauty means everything and number 1. Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.




p.s : this is the song behind this post ---> http://soundcloud.com/joshsetia/precious-one-original-song

L O V E

Is it TRUE that LOVE is like all the fairytale tells?
Is it TRUE that LOVE is A FIRST KISS from your prince?
Are the fairytale shows the real love by a simply kind of kiss?

Am i loved like the fairytale story?

well, the truth is, boys can't LOVE you like the way He LOVED you.

Now Hollywood wants to make you think they know what love is.

But I'm a tell you what true love is.

Love is not what you see in the movies.

Its not the ecstasy, its not what you see in that scene

you know what I mean? I'm telling you right now, true love is sacrifice..

-Jaeson Ma (LOVE)

"All the fairytale only shows how the prince gave a kissed to the sleeping princess.. But the CROSS showed how the Prince gave His LIFE.." -a quote by me-

 

i'm alive! i'm extravagantly loved! i was returned from death to eternal life, and there's no other prince would do such a grace like this; to died and gave His life for me at the cross... watta' sacrifice, a LOVE STORY. God's love totally turned my life around. my love story are more than all the disney princess, and so are you :)