Friday, August 17, 2012

Innerbeauty Means Everything

 "Here i am, Dad... just form my innerbeauty; through all these pains..."

Well.. This is kinda crazy that i really posted this new entry at 4 a.m in the morning! hahaha \m/ it's just me that can't stand for not writing this, what God already said to me this morning. 

This year was freakin' crazy n hard for me. or even gettin worse than the last year. i experienced so many HURTS and PAINS, thought that last year will be the end of my sorrow :''( but it didn't. i was terribly struggle. i've got a lot of sickness during this year, a lot of broken heart, and i'm fallin to pieces everyday, more and more hurts everyday. dunno why this happen to me, flowing and falling like a giant waterfall. lot of times i pray to God, i'm still trying to stand still, to survive before Him. i failed, i rise, failed again then rise again. sometimes it drops me tired, sometimes it drops me freakin' tired till i wanna die soon, and lot of times THIS IS JUST MAKE ME SO MUCH OVERTHINKING AND BEING 'COMFORTABLE' IN THIS ZONE. yeah, this broken-heart-zone.

i'm overthinking cause my sickness. there's so much FEAR. overthinking cause i'm trying to diet (really i'm not fat but the world just try to set my mind to be like that). stressed, till' my acne comes up! i cried a lot, and the tears keep falling. i blamed myself, i felt wrong, i felt stupid, unworthy, and i felt so much guilty. i'm broken, sucha uneccesary broken heart cause of the wrong man. i'm tired of everything, then i fake a smile. i'm tired of being unperfect while the world asks for a PERFECTION. The world asks for an outer beauty, and i can't stand it anymore. i lost in my outer, then lost in my inner. I'M TOTALLY LOST.

can not lie to the world, even to God, that i'm officially just a broken thing this year. My heart turned into pieces. i'm searchin' a perfection, and i didn't made it. it just made me more broken and broken. running for so much expectations to this world, and i didn't got it. this mind just set me to find myself in this world, NOT in God. and thank God finally i realized. He caught me. TODAY. 

this is the answers. why God never puts us into a perfection. why God never let us to find a man too early. why God seems like never takes our weakness. i do pray for my sickness, just like Paul. and i know God hears. but He just stays, letting me feel stupid like a dumb ox.

i was beleagvered and bitter, totally consumed by envy, totally looked for a perfection, i was totally ignorant, a dumb ox in Your very presence. i was like a fool, like a fool. but i'm still in Your presence, You've taken my hand, You wisely and tenderly lead me, then You bless me. -Psalm 73

i forgot that i am a woman of God. not the woman of the world. a Godly woman.

To all women that already tired of trying to be what the world asks to you. listen. i'm tired too. and the good news is, INNERBEAUTY means EVERYTHING to God, more than the outer, more than a prefection and a world asks (so-much-more). God loves you but He insanely loves you for your heart, more than your physical body. Remember, He formed your heart. God loves your innerbeauty, wherever it was broken to pieces now. Just stay up and let Him to heal in times. And see, what the world asks is just a bullshit :) screw that up!

When people see me, i pray that they'll just see my heart and see a beautiful God behind me. and this is what we called INNERBEAUTY, when God stays in a women's heart. 

God is beautiful,
even in a BROKEN HEART,
though i'm fallin to pieces, 
but i'm freakin' pretty and precious in His eyes.
a precious one. 

God is beautiful in my & your imperfection, 
in our weakness and sickness, if we let Him to reflect it through us. This-is-the-real-INNERBEAUTY.

Yeah, He wants to form our innerbeauty through a PROCESS, and it'll take a PAINS&HURTS. Why? cause He interests with our heart, not our problems; overly. Therefore i don't need an answers/escape for all my pains. can't do anything but kneel down; just ask God to form my innerbeauty through it. (read again my first sentence in this entry)

"you're beautiful, dear. I know, because I'm the one who made you," -Jesus
Today i knew, 
"He's forming my heart through the heartache. He's forming my heart through the sickness. He's forming my INNERBEAUTY through pains and hurts, He's making my INNERPRINCESS"
have faith for it and you'll see, God really takes a broken thing, a mess, and turns it to beautiful :) 

You're a fool when you careless 'bout your innerbeauty and keep running for a fading outerbeauty or your problems.

So today. Make-up your innerbeauty instead; an inner-princess. stop searching to find urself in this stupid world. Stop running your problems and pains. Those just ruining your innerheart. Find yourself in God. You're a Godly woman. not a worldy woman. the world is an unending drama that will just make u tired, cz it's not the place where you born. you was born in His heart, so please, make your spot place in His heart too :'') and so do I. We're a beautiful woman in God, and INNERPRINCESS owns His heart <3

always loved this quote. be a better woman, a beautiful woman in God, which her innerbeauty means everything and number 1. Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.

p.s : this is the song behind this post --->

No comments:

Post a Comment